Friday, July 21, 2017

Viviendo con un bully

Abril 12, 2012 por  
Archivado bajo Charlie's Blog, Familia

CharlieMe da mucha lastima ver en la televisión a muchachos o niños ser abusados por un “bully“. Tu sabes, el muchacho que te quita el dinero de tu lonche, el que siempre te esta aventando, intimidando y querer pelear contigo; el chavo que quisieras que no existiera. Este tipo de escuincles no tienen corazón. Ellos no saben como te hierve la sangre cuando te insultan o te golpean. Ellos solo hacen daño sin misericordia.

Cuando era chico tuve que pasar por varios “bullies”. En la primaria era Cruz. Cruz vivía a una cuadra de mi casa en un edificio donde viven personas de bajos recursos. Siempre, que yo me acuerde, Cruz fue el bully de la cuadra. Siempre que salíamos a jugar, el estaba ahí para aventar, insultar o querer pelear con nosotros, especialmente conmigo. En muchas ocasiones nos agarramos a golpes. Imagínate, estamos jugando soccer todos los de la cuadra y llegaba Cruz a arruinar todo. Siempre me sentí amenazado, nervioso cuando salíamos a jugar. No había día que no estuviéramos divirtiéndonos y no llegara Cruz a fregar conmigo.  Lo curioso de esto es que no solo Cruz era un bully sino que su hermano mayor y su papa eran igual.

En una ocasión me provoco tanto que nos agarramos a trancazos. Se junto una bola como de 50 gentes alrededor de nosotros para ver la pelea. Imagínate, yo era un niño flaquito de unos 9-10 años. Nos agarramos a golpes  como por unos 10 minutos. Parecíamos helicópteros cuando soltábamos los trancazos. Al final, me aventó contra los que estaban haciendo bola alrededor y sentí a alguien que me cogía de los brazos por atrás, era su papa. Al verme agarrado, Cruz se me vino con todo y me dio una paliza. Su papa solo se reía de como su hijo me golpeaba. Eso me dio mucho coraje y le guarde mucho rencor a su papa.

Mis amigos y yo estábamos en una liga de soccer y siempre salíamos a jugar a unos campos deportivos de por ahí. Una vez su papa organizo un torneo y no me acuerdo como fue que Cruz, su hermano y yo quedamos en el mismo equipo. Esa vez fuimos a jugar a un estadio. En la inauguración del torneo estábamos todos formados para la ceremonia cuando Cruz y su hermano mayor, que estaban formados detrás de mi, comenzaron a aventarme. No les importaba que los vieran, ellos se estaban divirtiendo pateándole y aventandome por atrás.  Después del juego mientras caminaba a la casa con mis amigos, Cruz y su hermano se me acercaron queriéndome golpear. Mis amigos se fueron corriendo y me dejaron solo. Me acuerdo como esa vez Cruz, al estar protegido por su hermano, se me vino con mas fuerza. Su hermano me agarraba los brazos por atrás mientras Cruz me golpeaba. Su hermano, que en ese tiempo tenia como 14 años, me pateo y me dio varios golpes. Siempre salí de mi casa con temor y nervioso de que al voltear la esquina me iba a salir Cruz.

En la escuela seguía el problema. Muchas veces nos veíamos en los pasillos y quería pelear. “Te espero a la salida” fue una frase tan común, que ya muchos de mis amigos estaban acostumbrados que me dijera. A la salida, nos agarrábamos a golpes otra vez.

En mi clase había otro bully que comenzó a hacerme problemas. Carlos, el bully, era un poco diferente porque no era exclusivo conmigo. El era parejo con todos. Carlos siempre buscaba problemas con alguien que fuera mas chaparrito o mas flaquito que el.

Todo esto fue cambiando con Cruz, su hermano y Carlos al pasar un par de años. Que paso?  Crecí y ellos se quedaron chaparritos. Me acuerdo un día que Carlos, muy respetuoso vino hasta mi casa a hablar conmigo. Con nervios, tímidamente, viéndome a los ojos hacia arriba, me dijo “oye, vamos a ser amigos y a prometer desde hoy que ya no vamos a pelear?”. Yo, al verlo tan tímido, me dio mucha lastima y desde ese día fuimos buenos amigos. No me pidió perdón, su mirada me lo dijo todo. Ese día lo perdone.

El año siguiente empecé a jugar basketball en una liga de la escuela privada donde atendía. Ahh, que descanso de los bullies. El ambiente era tan diferente. Me metí de lleno al basketball y llegue a jugar en la selección de la escuela. Fuimos a varios ciudades a torneos nacionales y éramos conocidos como los mejores.

Mi vida cambio bastante porque ahora me conocían todos y se puede decir que era “popular”. Todo era color de rosa en la escuela hasta que me toco sentarme enfrente de un chavo que no pensaba lo mismo que los demás. Constantemente me aventaba desde atrás, me pateaba mi asiento y me provocaba. No me acuerdo como se llamaba pero me acuerdo que era mucho mas alto que yo. Por meses me estuvo fregando todos los días hasta que ya no pude mas y le pare el manotazo. La confrontación fue espectacular. Ahora me río pero en ese entonces me puso muy nervioso. Imagínate, el esta fregándome y fregándome; toda la clase esta haciendo ruido y esta el bullicio de la escuela. De repente cansado, le paro el manotazo y todos voltean y se quedan callados. Todos los ojos fijos en nosotros. Ya no me estés fregando, le dije. El, un poco confundido me dice – Que!  Yo le digo – Lo que quieras!  Nos vemos a la salida, me dice. Nos vemos, le conteste. Explotaron todos con gritos: Pelea, pelea!

Yo no se porque pero cuando lo confronte, me dio la sensación de que no era tan macho como parecía. Sus ojos me dijeron que había algo de temor. Eso me dio un poco de valor para esperarlo a la salida. Ya tenia experiencia recibiendo golpes, entonces me dije, que tengo que perder, una mas.

Llego rodeado de sus amigos y yo con los míos. En la bola había chavos mas grandes y hasta adultos. Nos aventaban el uno contra el otro para que comenzara la pelea pero ninguno quería. Lo vi vacilar cuando otra ves me pregunto que si quería pelear. Le dije, aquí estamos, avientate. Tu avientate, me decía. En una de esas nos aventaron el uno contra el otro y fue cuando empezaron los trancazos. No se cuantos le solté pero yo se que parecía helicóptero. Le di tantos que nos tuvieron que separar. Mis amigos estaban sorprendidos diciéndome que no sabían que tuviera eso por dentro.  Esa fue la ultima vez que me trato mal. Al pasar los días el y yo comenzamos a platicar y nos hicimos amigos.

Una vez jugando en la calle con unos amigos nos topamos con unos chavos que pasaron por ahí. Eran como unos 5 como de la misma edad que nosotros. Nos quitaron la pelota y la aventaron al patio de una casa. Comenzaron a aventarnos y querer pelear. Mis amigos corrieron y me dejaron solo (desgraciados). Hicieron una rueda y me empezaron a aventar. En una de esas les tire un golpe y todos me empezaron a golpear y a patear. Yo creo que por la adrenalina no sentí nada pero lo que si se es que como helicóptero comenze a dar golpes y patadas. En un minuto nos dimos tantos golpes que salieron corriendo.

Pasaron los meses y un día, jugando contra otra escuela note a un chavo chaparrito que me llegaba como a los hombros que me miraba como queriéndome saludar. Yo no le hice caso y seguí jugando. Después de un rato lo reconocí. Era el hermano de Cruz!!  Casi se me sale una carcajada pero me aguante. Lo salude y seguimos como si nada hubiera pasado entre nosotros.

Ahora, recordando mi niñez, me pregunto que hubiera hecho diferente. Yo siempre fui un chavo privado y nunca fui con chismes con mis papas, me aguante. No me imagino el rollo que se hubiera armado si delante de 50 chavos hubiera traído a mi mama para que hablara con Cruz. Ten en cuenta que esto paso hace 30 y tantos años. Eran otros tiempos. En aquellos tiempo jamás hubieran salido navajas o ningún tipo de armas. Hoy en día, no solo hay peligro de navajas sino de pistolas. Los bullies abusan de personas “indefensas”.  Si ves todos los programas de televisión, los bullies siempre abusan de los “nerds”, los pequeños, los flaquitos. El bully abusa del que no le va a hacer daño.

En mi opinión no hay mejor conocimiento que el saber defenderte. A excepción de Cruz, todos mis casos terminaron con una pelea. Yo si creo lo que se dice “en la vida, la paz viene porque hubo una guerra”.  Yo pienso que un niño debe saber como defenderse o como causar daño a una persona mas alta o mas fuerte que el. El tomar clases de Artes Marciales es una forma no solo de ayudar a un niño a defenderse sino a darle valor, disciplina y autoestima. Los instructores ayudan a las personas a entender que es solo para defenderte y no para hacer daño, es siempre la ultima opción.

Hoy en día, en la mayoría de las situaciones se necesita decirle a un adulto. Si tu sabes que el bully esta en una pandilla, un adulto o las autoridades son los únicos que pueden resolver la situación. En Estados Unidos hay detectores de metal en las escuelas y aun así se pueden colar para cometer crímenes.

Es triste ver el abuso causando daño permanente en los jóvenes que en algunos casos han llegado al suicidio. Un bully no sabe cuanto daño hace; no sabe cuantas lágrimas hace derramar; no sabe cuanta desesperación y estrés causa en los niños. Debería de haber leyes mas estrictas en contra de esto. Yo pienso que la expulsión permanente seria la solución. Los maestros no deberían de tolerar a este tipo de personas.

Yo se que hay jóvenes que están pasando por esto y que desearían poder hacerle daño a su agresor. Yo se que hay mucha amargura y desesperación de no poder hacer algo. El pensar en ir cada mañana a la escuela es una tortura. El estar en los pasillos solo, esperando que se aparezca el bully crea un pánico que hace que el corazón salte. En muchas ocasiones la desesperación es tanta, que desean la muerte. En los últimos años ha habido muchas noticias de jóvenes que han sido abusados por bullies y al final de suicidan.

Si yo pudiera regresar al pasado ayudaría a los niños que han sido abusados por bullies. Los defendería no solo con mis 2 puños, sino llamando a las autoridades, al director de la escuela, al maestro. Aun siendo su amigo y platicar, ir a jugar juntos o lo que sea. Es una verdadera lastima el privar a un niño de una niñez feliz. Y bueno, uno nunca sabe, quizás una palabra de aliento o una invitación a jugar fue lo que evito que ese niño desesperado, hundido en oscuridad, se suicidara.

Espero que mi historia te haya ayudado a comprender por lo que pasa un niño abusado por un bully. Si tu eres un joven y sabes de abusos, reportalo. Si tu eres papa, habla con tus hijos. Si tu hijo esta deprimido o de repente se ha hecho violento, habla con el, quizás sean síntomas de abuso. Te lo digo como alguien que ya paso por eso. Tu hijo te necesita.

Charlie

Comentarios

37 Responses a “Viviendo con un bully”
  1. Damaris dice:

    Gracias por compartir tu experiencia. Me dio mucha tristeza saber que pasaste por algo tan terrible y que jamas se lo hiciste saber a mis papás. Sabia que eras pelionero pero no tanto, jijiji…

    Estoy de acuerdo de que es importante saber como defenderse pero si, de una manera apropiada, que como tu has dicho, eleve su auto-estima y les enseñe disciplina. Desafortunadamente los tiempos han cambiado. Hoy en dia, los bullies no sólamente atacan fisicamente, sino virtualmente (cyberbullying). Ya no te esperan en la esquina, sino que usan internet, celulares, mensajes de texto, etc. para avergonzar a sus victimas y tristemente, muchos llegan a quitarse la vida. (search Megan Pledge)

    Como maestra la batalla en contra de los bullies no es siempre facil. El mensaje en contra de la violencia a veces contradice lo que los padres les han enseñado, especialmente con niños que vienen de hogares de bajos recursos. Tambien es importante entender que muchos de los bullies han sido victimas tambien.

    Todos en la escuela deben estar en alerta y vigilar el comportamiento de los alumnos y que las consecuencias por el bullying sea severo. Tenemos un programa en contra de los bullies en mi escuela y se implementa desde el kinder, para que los niños aprendan a defenderse y como pedir ayuda.

    El ser un mentor es una idea genial. Los niños necesitan tener adultos en sus vidas que los puedan escuchar, dar consejos, etc. Te invito a mi escuela! 🙂 Tengo mucho que decir sobre el tema, pero mejor para otro dia. Solo quiero que sepas que estamos (maestros/consejeros) trabajando para combatir este problema para que niños como tu ya no tengan que sufrir.

  2. Charlie dice:

    Gracias por tus comentarios. Quiero que sepas que yo nunca provoque una pelea, todo fue en defensa propia eh, peleonero tu aguela! jaja.

    Que bueno que hoy en dia hay mucha ayuda en las escuelas porque no te imaginas el daño que causan ese tipo de problemas. Bueno, digo que tienes que vivirlo para saber lo que causa en la vida de un niño.

    Oye, de pura casualidad no sabes cuales son las consecuencias para un bully? Hay diferente niveles? Por ejemplo si es verbal o si es fisico. Yo pienso que debe ser expulsion permanente para que sepan que las consecuencias son severas… desgraciados!!

  3. Damaris dice:

    Cada distrito es diferente, pero las leyes están cambiando. Por ejemplo, los adolescentes que amenazaron a la chava en Massachusetts y que provocaron su suicidio no solo fueron expulsados sino que fueron arrestados y esperan un juicio y eso que solo fue virtual. En casos de agresión física , usualmente son suspendidos o expulsados, todo depende del historial del alumno. También existen distritos que tienen cero tolerancia.

  4. Charlie dice:

    Sabes que deberian de tener en las escuelas? Una caja donde los niños puedan poner anonimamente, los nombres de los bullies que los acosaron o si vieron algo, poner los nombres y lo que paso.

    Cero tolerancia es una buena idea.

  5. Alfonso dice:

    Por otra parte también seria buena idea el darle tratamiento medico y terapéutico a los bullys ya que muchos de ellos llegan a presentar trastornos psiquiátricos como Trastorno Negativista Desafiante, Trastorno disocial de la conducta entre otras patologías, ya que estos niños al fin y al cabo también necesitan atención

  6. Charlie dice:

    Hmm pues la gran mayoria de los bullys que yo conoci eran simplemente gachos, pedantes y unos hijos de la fregada

  7. lionel crespillo dice:

    Cagalo a trompadas,cagalo a trompadas!!

  8. Charlie dice:

    Aunque no creas si dan ganas de partirle la madre pero ahora seria yo el bully porque el loser se quedo enano desde los 12 años. Imaginate que sus hijos fueran abusamos por un bully, que les aconsejaría.

  9. Trixie dice:

    At last some railanotity in our little debate.

  10. That’s an ingenious way of thinking about it.

  11. AFAICT you’ve covered all the bases with this answer!

  12. Thanks for your thoughts. It’s helped me a lot.

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  35. Je n’ai rien entendu de particulier hier soir, et Téhéran était comme d’habitude.Bruits de klaxon, pollution, et la pagaille habituelle.Si il y avait des « cris sur les toits » ils était en tout cas pas nombreux.

  36. The coop seems big enough (as small coops go) for medium sized hens. The Plastic nest boxes are about 15 inches in size although from memory they are deeper than that. Sorry I don’t have exact dimensions available. I ended up giving my nestboxes to a school project to help them out.

  37. http://www./ dice:

    a.k.a.Warum, oh, I like your criteria, I recognize myself in some of them. Although, as of yet, no loud sounds for me, except once when it was an instant scrubber and I made some disgusted sounds. So far, I only associate one perfume with one particular event and person (how one night can stand out with a perfume attached to it is something I still wonder happily about).Btw, you made me laugh with meowing.

QUE ONDA!

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